The old "sock on the door" sign... could mean fun for someone, but trouble for another, especially if they are the one that's been "sexiled". The word "Sexiling" comes from the clever combination of sex and exile. It's what we've come to call being locked out of your room by your roommate in order to hook up with their boyfriend/girlfriend/partner for the moment.
So what do you do if you're the one being sexiled?
Ideally, you and your roommate can plan ahead if you know this situation is likely to occur.
- Determine how long this might last. Will it be the whole weekend, during the daytime hours only, one day of the weekend, etc? This can help you plan an alternative, like visiting friends or family if you want.
- Agree on how many nights the person should be able to stay overnight.
- Make the best of your time outside of your room.
- If it's a nice day out, spend sometime outside.
- Meet up with friends you don't get to see often.
- Catch up on the reading for the class you're falling behind in.
- Take the weekend to visit a friend in a neighboring city (NYC, Philadelphia and DC are both train/bus rides away!)
If it wasn't a situation where planning ahead happened, consider all of your options. Do you have a place to go for the time it might take- an hour, 20 minutes, overnight? Consider if the roles were reversed what you would want your roommate to do. The next day, try having a conversation about what happened and how to best prepare in case something like it happens again.
And if you're the sexiler- here are some Do's and Don'ts to enjoy the moment while maintaining a harmonious roommate relationship.
Do: If you think there's a chance that you may be hooking up and needing the room to yourself, talk to your roommate as much in advance as possible. If given enough time, they can find an alternative place to go and allow you some private time.
Don't: If your roommate leaves the room to go to the bathroom, don't lock the door and avoid answering the door.
Do: Consider how long you will be having a guest in the room. And respect the overnight guest policy that you and your roommate have discussed.
Don't: Make it more complicated than it needs to be. If your roommate will be at Tutorial Project on Thursday afternoons and you and your partner have that time open, perhaps you can schedule that time there so everyone wins.
Do: Find a way to communicate with your roommate that some personal time is needed. Perhaps a key word, or a simple text message that includes an "I owe you one".
Don't: Forget that you also need to attend classes. While sexiling can have it's benefits- academics are why you are here; don't forget.
Do: Give anf get Respect. Respect the rights of your roommate to the space. If an agreement cannot be made, try talking to a mediator, like your RA or a friend who can help figure out a compromise. Or find another place to enjoy a private moment with your partner.
Don't: Forget to clean up the room after.
Do: Consider how you would feel if your roles were reversed and you were being asked to leave. Remember, your roommate's grades, sleep, and general well-being may be affected by your actions- so be considerate.
Do: Use your head- use protection. Keep yourself sexually safe by using a form of protection against STIs and pregnancy.
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